A very resourceful friend came home far too late from a tryst to prepare a full dinner. Upon arriving home, she jumped into the shower and quickly washed her hair. She left the towel on her head as she prepared a “soup and sandwich” meal. Later, while the family ate, she apologized for the simple meal. She also mentioned that she’d had such a rough day and just had to take a long hot shower to straighten herself out. She gave the family extra dessert as compensation, which they didn’t mind at all.
One acquaintance who had an affair did her shopping one summer morning but didn’t have a cooler. She left two cantaloupes in the trunk of her car for the entire eight-hour workday. It took several service men in a local carwash, and a lot of air freshener to get the smell out. It also took hours of repeated explanations to her husband, who could not understand how melons could make the car smell so badly, thinking she had bought them only an hour before.
A dear friend did not think far enough ahead when he asked the carwash attendant to “clean the car thoroughly”. They removed all telltale signs of the tryst he’d had the night before, except one. While driving the kids to a soccer game, one of his children looked up and said, “Daddy, what’s that?” He adjusted his mirror as he drove, and suddenly saw a shoe print on the ceiling! He changed the subject, making them forget the odd question but during soccer practice he quickly scrubbed the car ceiling clean.
My friend started going to the gym several times a week out of necessity. He usually ate dinner with his lover – whether it was an actual meal in her apartment or the cookies and coffee that came with the day-use room. When he came home in the evening, his family of course expected him to eat dinner with them too. The pounds began to show! While he used the gym as an excuse to get out of the house, he also used it to lose the extra weight.
A friend actually got her car stuck in a sand trap, trying to use an unexplored shortcut when coming home from a secret afternoon of passion. Luckily some truckers came along and hauled the car out. If they hadn’t come along, it would have taken the AAA forever to get there. Sheer luck kept my friend from getting found out.
While sitting with a couple, the husband received a phone call. He said it was “someone from the office” but we could still hear the stilted tête-à-tête. His wife, who happened to be sitting right next to me, whispered, “He’s having an affair, isn’t he?” This was of course a rhetorical question. It was embarrassing for everyone involved – and none of us should have been involved!
Several years ago, the stores in our city were opened only half a day on Tuesdays. When my friend mentioned, in front of her husband and mine, that she’d bought her new skirt on Tuesday afternoon, I took her into another room and pointed out her slip-up. She said Tuesday afternoon was the only time she could get out to meet her lover. I explained that there was no need to specify when she’d supposedly bought the skirt…and next time, to use her head before speaking!
A colleague told me how he came home after an evening with his lover. Unfortunately, the evening had run later than usual, and he didn’t have time to shower at the day-use. While getting undressed in their bedroom, he was speaking to his wife when he had the urge to scratch his behind. There he found the ripped off section of a condom wrapper stuck to one cheek! Luckily, he crumbled it in his hand and got rid of it before his wife could see.
A friend used me as an excuse one evening. I’ll never forget when her husband called our house to ask to speak to his wife. When I suddenly realized that she had used me as a ‘wing-man’, without telling me beforehand, it took a lot of double talk to get out of it. I tried to call her after I spoke to her husband, but she wouldn’t answer her cell phone during her rendezvous. The couple since divorced.
Sitting with a colleague and a number of other employees, having a leisurely lunch outside the office, the conversation turned to more personal matters. When one employee blatantly asked my colleague if she was having an affair, my colleague (who, for a short moment, thought she would have a heart attack), quickly smiled, laughed the question off, and began speaking about “women’s problems”. This immediately had every woman around the table speaking about their personal experiences and ailments and took the focal point off of my colleague.