Where were you?

Staying Calm You met with your lover and had a wonderful time. You’re still on Cloud 9 when you walk through your door. Then you hear, “Where were you?” There’s no reason to panic, choke up, or lose your buzz. Keep in mind most people ask questions just to talk, not to really get information. Simply say whatever you had planned to say that day, whether it’s the shop­ping excuse, or the gym answer, or the traffic retort. Then immediately ask if your spouse wants a snack. By the time you start serving something scrumptious, they will have forgotten about where you were, or that they even asked. Read the book for more.

“Where Were You?”

Staying Calm You met with your lover and had a wonderful time. You’re still on Cloud 9 when you walk through your door. Then you hear, “Where were you?” There’s no reason to panic, choke up, or lose your buzz. Keep in mind most people ask questions just to talk, not to really get information. Simply say whatever you had planned to say that day, whether it’s the shop­ping excuse, or the gym answer, or the traffic retort. Then immediately ask if your spouse wants a snack. By the time you start serving something scrumptious, they will have forgotten about where you were, or that they even asked. Read the book for more.

Two People Can Keep A Secret If One of Them Is Dead

No, You Cannot Tell! Never tell anyone about your affair. The moment someone else finds out about it, you’ll be in danger of losing it all. It’s only normal to want to share the excitement, sing your lover’s praises and gloat about their sexual prow­ess but you can’t. Instead, talk to yourself when you drive. Write their name on the water when you bathe. You can smile that secret sated smile when you’re with friends, but you can only own up by saying you’re happy with your life, your work, or your dog learned a new trick. Read the book for more.

When It’s Over

So Long, Babe! One day your affair will be over. If you want to end the affair, then you must play fair. Sit with your lover, explain that you cannot see them any longer due to your guilty conscience, your need to be with your family, or whatever other reason you have. Be as honest and as straight forward as you can. It will be far less painful if you’re telling the truth. You can only hope your lover will be as considerate should they decide to end the affair. If the affair is waning and you find your lover has become hesitant, or started giving nonsensical reasons, or no reasons at all for their illogical behavior, just let them go. Some people simply don’t know how to end it and find it hard to articulate their reasons and many can’t even look you in the eye when they have to express them­selves. Read the book for more.

Perfumes, Makeup and New Clothes

Getting Ready Start using a body cream, aftershave, perfume or co­logne that’s a little stronger than the one you usually use. A good body cream will keep you safe from any odors, natural as they are. • If you don’t want to put creams in sensitive areas, try some hair conditioner or baby oil after your shower. They have pleasant fragrances and will be less likely to cause an irritation. • Get those plastic travel bottles that are small but seal well. Fill them with lubricant or cream. One can hold toothpaste or mouth wash. Keep a pack of wet ones in the car or carry a small pack in your bag. Your best bet is to have a small bag with all these items at work. This way you can freshen up before a rendezvous if it’s after work hours. There are showers or Jacuzzis in the day-use place but at least you’ll come in smelling like a rose. Read the book for more.

You Never Did That Before!

Safety First Picking out a piece of toast from the toaster with a fork may kill you. Having sex without a condom will kill you. As you plan your affair with your soon-to-be lover, the first thing to talk about is having safe sex. If you’re too embarrassed to bring up the subject of safe sex, condoms and AIDS tests, then you’re not ready to have an affair. When you have an affair, you need to be in control of your health, your body, and your expecta­tions. Read the book for more.

Where’s This Thing Going?

Questions for You, Questions About Your Lover What do you expect from this affair? Friendship? That’s possible. Sex. For sure! Love? Not likely. A life together? That’s an unrealistic dream. How does your lover handle this affair? Are they responsible at keeping secrets and having safe sex? Are they considerate and kind to you or do they only care about sex? Do they understand this could never go farther than an affair and anything more would only put you both in harm’s way? Read the book for more.

Ground Work

You need to make time for an affair. Your family knows your routine. They know when you leave in the morning and when you come home at night. Without making a point of it, start changing your schedule slowly to build up your credibility. Be honest in your answers! Don’t lie because there is no need to lie. Get used to answering calmly and to the point. There is no reason to be nervous because you are not lying!

Keep Things Normal

What Comes First You may feel guilty about your passionate hours away from home and have a compulsion to “make up for lost time” with the family. Take it easy. There’s no need to overcompensate. Take this quick test. If you don’t answer YES to all of the following, you need to think again about having an affair and reprioritize your focus and activities. • Do you always make sure that the family comes first? • Do you and your lover accept the fact that either of you may have to go home sooner, or may suddenly call off a rendezvous altogether, because you are needed at home? • You try not to overcompensate the kids with extra toys or paint their bedroom to show you care. Read the book for more.

Money Matters

It Matters If It’s Not on Hand Having an affair costs money. If you don’t have one already, it’s time to open your own bank account. This makes it easier to have cash on hand and to adjust your own accounts. Men may want to pay most of the expenses of an affair, out of sheer excitement. Women may want to go Dutch out of common courtesy or self-esteem. Either way, go with the flow, but make sure no one feels used. Additional money is also important because when having an affair, you’ll need to buy some extras (See Chapter 5 “Perfumes, Makeup and New Clothes”), for inflated telephone bills, extra gas for the car, parking fees, day-use charges, or fare for a cab. Read the book for more.