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Pick up Your Toys

Your lover may introduce you, or you may introduce your lover, to sex toys. Do your best not to take these toys home with you, especially if you have small chil­dren in the house. They find everything! If you must bring them home, it’s imperative you locate a spot where you’re sure no one can ever find them. No, the top shelf of your closet is not a good idea. Kids climb up on chairs. The garage isn’t a good place either. You know your house. Find the safest place!

Keep Things Normal

What Comes First You may feel guilty about your passionate hours away from home and have a compulsion to “make up for lost time” with the family. Take it easy. There’s no need to overcompensate. Take this quick test. If you don’t answer YES to all of the following, you need to think again about having an affair and reprioritize your focus and activities. • Do you always make sure that the family comes first? • Do you and your lover accept the fact that either of you may have to go home sooner, or may suddenly call off a rendezvous altogether, because you are needed at home? • You try not to overcompensate the kids with extra toys or paint their bedroom to show you care. Read the book for more.

Anonymous of Course

Lauren Tallman’s “How to Have An Affair and Not Get Caught,” is a fact-filled and fun-filled guide for those already into…soon to be into or thinking about entering into an illicit love affair. While the idea may seem so soap-opera romantic, the author outlines the many of the pratfalls and speed-bumps couples may encounter along the way. When you realize that your efforts for some temporary hanky-panky requires as much detailed planning as the invasion of Normandy, you may decide that it’s just not worth it.

True Story

While sitting with a couple, the husband received a phone call. He said it was “someone from the office” but we could still hear the stilted tête-à-tête. His wife, who happened to be sitting right next to me, whispered, “He’s having an affair, isn’t he?” This was of course a rhetorical question. It was embarrassing for everyone involved – and none of us should have been involved!

George

“I love my wife more than anything, but I needed the sex. I had the privilege of reading Tallman’s book, and, man, did it help. Finally, a book about helping me have a safe affair, but more importantly, making sure the woman I love doesn’t find out. With How To Have An Affair And Not Get Caught I found a way to help myself and help strengthen my marriage.”

True Story

Several years ago, the stores in our city were opened only half a day on Tuesdays. When my friend mentioned, in front of her husband and mine, that she’d bought her new skirt on Tuesday afternoon, I took her into another room and pointed out her slip-up. She said Tuesday afternoon was the only time she could get out to meet her lover. I explained that there was no need to specify when she’d supposedly bought the skirt…and next time, to use her head before speaking!

Money Matters

It Matters If It’s Not on Hand Having an affair costs money. If you don’t have one already, it’s time to open your own bank account. This makes it easier to have cash on hand and to adjust your own accounts. Men may want to pay most of the expenses of an affair, out of sheer excitement. Women may want to go Dutch out of common courtesy or self-esteem. Either way, go with the flow, but make sure no one feels used. Additional money is also important because when having an affair, you’ll need to buy some extras (See Chapter 5 “Perfumes, Makeup and New Clothes”), for inflated telephone bills, extra gas for the car, parking fees, day-use charges, or fare for a cab. Read the book for more.