Your family knows they can always get in touch with you at any time through your cell phone. Start changing that right away! Get out of the habit of answering the phone the moment it rings. Get caller ID on every phone you own, and if possible, on your work phone. When you see your better half is calling, don’t pick up and don’t call back for 10 minutes. Next time wait 20 minutes. But don’t answer any other calls either. You can’t take the chance that a family friend will say they spoke to you when you plan to tell your spouse you weren’t near the phone. Read the book for more.
The barrage of investigation shows on television gave a friend a very clever idea. She advised her lover to never buy condoms or sex toys near their secret meeting place. There was a large mall just nearby, which was their individual excuses for being in that area. She realized that, should someone check up on them, any detective would find out that each had bought clothes or house wares, but never something intimate.
One-night stands or a handful of convenient trysts are considered short term affairs. During a short-term affair, don’t feel obligated to fill in your new companion about the details of your life, which include your full name, address, profession, family, etc. There is no reason for them to know so much personal information. Many tend to even lie at this stage simply due to safety precautions or to round out the fantasy. If you do make things up, keep it simple and easy to remember in case you decide to meet up again. Read the book for more.
No, You Cannot Tell! Never tell anyone about your affair. The moment someone else finds out about it, you’ll be in danger of losing it all. It’s only normal to want to share the excitement, sing your lover’s praises and gloat about their sexual prowess but you can’t. Instead, talk to yourself when you drive. Write their name on the water when you bathe. You can smile that secret sated smile when you’re with friends, but you can only own up by saying you’re happy with your life, your work, or your dog learned a new trick. Read the book for more.
Lauren Tallman’s friend Gloria* was married for 15 years and had 2 kids. She told Tallman she never wanted to divorce her partner, but felt there was something lacking in her relationship with him. She said she didn’t feel worthy anymore, and lost the confidence she once had as a lover. After extensive counseling with Tallman, who offered innovative ideas, time management strategies, and practical advice, Gloria went on to have a successful affair. Her husband and kids never suspected, never found out, and never suffered. Gloria gained a great amount of power from having her affair, which reinvigorated her to put more energy into her own marriage. All in all, Tallman said, she made her friend a believer – that you can have an affair and not get caught.
A very resourceful friend came home far too late from a tryst to prepare a full dinner. Upon arriving home, she jumped into the shower and quickly washed her hair. She left the towel on her head as she prepared a “soup and sandwich” meal. Later, while the family ate, she apologized for the simple meal. She also mentioned that she’d had such a rough day and just had to take a long hot shower to straighten herself out. She gave the family extra dessert as compensation, which they didn’t mind at all.
Don’t fall victim to the “Tiger in A Cage” syndrome. That’s when you pace around the house wishing you were really having sex with your lover. It’s when you look out the window, in the direction of your rendezvous spot, grasping the sill with your hands while your heart is beating a mile a minute. Do your best to control these episodes. It will happen because you are sexually aroused, and your adrenaline is pumping.
So Long, Babe! One day your affair will be over. If you want to end the affair, then you must play fair. Sit with your lover, explain that you cannot see them any longer due to your guilty conscience, your need to be with your family, or whatever other reason you have. Be as honest and as straight forward as you can. It will be far less painful if you’re telling the truth. You can only hope your lover will be as considerate should they decide to end the affair. If the affair is waning and you find your lover has become hesitant, or started giving nonsensical reasons, or no reasons at all for their illogical behavior, just let them go. Some people simply don’t know how to end it and find it hard to articulate their reasons and many can’t even look you in the eye when they have to express themselves. Read the book for more.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Who would have thought about my perfume getting on him! His wife would have recognized it right away! And the idea about maps, OMG, it saved me and got me home safely! You make it safe and, you’re so right, no one else should be involved, especially his wife! OMG, when I think about the driving! If I hadn’t checked…!