Lauren Tallman’s friend Gloria* was married for 15 years and had 2 kids. She told Tallman she never wanted to divorce her partner, but felt there was something lacking in her relationship with him. She said she didn’t feel worthy anymore, and lost the confidence she once had as a lover. After extensive counseling with Tallman, who offered innovative ideas, time management strategies, and practical advice, Gloria went on to have a successful affair. Her husband and kids never suspected, never found out, and never suffered. Gloria gained a great amount of power from having her affair, which reinvigorated her to put more energy into her own marriage. All in all, Tallman said, she made her friend a believer – that you can have an affair and not get caught.
A very resourceful friend came home far too late from a tryst to prepare a full dinner. Upon arriving home, she jumped into the shower and quickly washed her hair. She left the towel on her head as she prepared a “soup and sandwich” meal. Later, while the family ate, she apologized for the simple meal. She also mentioned that she’d had such a rough day and just had to take a long hot shower to straighten herself out. She gave the family extra dessert as compensation, which they didn’t mind at all.
Don’t fall victim to the “Tiger in A Cage” syndrome. That’s when you pace around the house wishing you were really having sex with your lover. It’s when you look out the window, in the direction of your rendezvous spot, grasping the sill with your hands while your heart is beating a mile a minute. Do your best to control these episodes. It will happen because you are sexually aroused, and your adrenaline is pumping.
So Long, Babe! One day your affair will be over. If you want to end the affair, then you must play fair. Sit with your lover, explain that you cannot see them any longer due to your guilty conscience, your need to be with your family, or whatever other reason you have. Be as honest and as straight forward as you can. It will be far less painful if you’re telling the truth. You can only hope your lover will be as considerate should they decide to end the affair. If the affair is waning and you find your lover has become hesitant, or started giving nonsensical reasons, or no reasons at all for their illogical behavior, just let them go. Some people simply don’t know how to end it and find it hard to articulate their reasons and many can’t even look you in the eye when they have to express themselves. Read the book for more.